Tuesday, November 11, 2014

Behind the face of Adoption

I don't feel qualified to write about adoption,
there are Mamas who have walked harder, longer roads than I have.
My journey has been short, and fairly uncomplicated.
We've gained the sweetest 2 year old you ever did meet.
 Maxwell, Days after we were introduced to him. Jan 2014
However, I am going to write about a few of the feelings that I, as a mom encounter in the past 10 mo. these feelings completely blindsided me! I was in no way prepared for any of them.
When our son was first placed with us, we embraced having an 18 mo. old, none verbal little boy in the house.
The honey moon period lasted a few short weeks, in those honey moon weeks I felt like I really wanted this child to be mine, And then the hard things hit, Forcing me to face the fact that this baby boy had missed out on so much in his short life, forcing me to recognize that emotionally he was no where near 18 mo.
Anger at his Birth parents,
Why didn't they...
why did they.....
Anger that we were the ones dealing with HARD things all day and all night while they enjoyed a few pleasant hours a week with him.
Anger that they messed up what was meant to be the most secure relationship in this little boy's life.
As the weeks went on and our bond with this baby boy grew, as we worked on hard things, our attachment started happening, and I started thinking maybe if we came along side of birth parents and helped them then this little boy could go home and be loved and cared for by his birth parents, That's where he belonged.
At this point we really wanted him to be able to go home, I wanted him to experience the Love of a birthmom, I didn't want him to have any attachment issues, I wanted all to be perfect in his little world.
As we headed toward the inevitable parental termination date, we became excited, our biological children became excited.
Yet at the same time something inside of me was hurting! Yes, hurting for birth mom and birth dad, They unselfishly signed those papers that day, Saying that they wanted to give their little man a chance at a  better life then they knew could offer, My heart broke into a thousand pieces as they hugged and kissed him goodby.
But the deepest pain of all was knowing that this little boy, the one that called me 'mom', the little boy that was soon to be officially our son, would grow up with this shadow in his past. I loved this child through hard things, I loved him as much as any mother could, and for that reason I will always grieve the things that were taken away from him that day. I will cry with him, I will mourn with him. He is my son.
I will always be haunted by, Did we do enough to help reunification?
This old sinful world picked my son to walk through these hard things.
Jesus picked my husband and I to help our son walk this journey.
Jesus also introduced me to other adoption mamas, Mamas that have come along side of me and smiled through their own tears and simply said 'I know'.
Mamas that have told me, 'It's worth it.'
'Jesus wins'
'We've been there'
And oh so much more!!
Mamas that have texted with me late into the night, encouraging me!
Maxwell and his forever Mom, Oct 2014
So if you are beginning this adoption journey,
find your community!! These other adoption mamas will be the ones reminding you why you started this journey,
they will remind you to stay focused on being like Jesus to the least of these.
They will have a wealth of information,
And no fear of telling them about the HARD stuff, Chances are they've all been there before!!!
And hug those walking the journey extra tight, because behind the face of that adoptive Mom is a world of insecure thoughts, over analyzed behaviors, and hard things.

We are filled with Joy and wouldn't trade our new Son for all the carefree days in the world. Jesus Choose us to be a part of his story and for that we are forever grateful!!

Thursday, November 6, 2014

I Thought I'd be a Cool Mom

Reality has come crashing in my friends,
Cruel harsh reality!!
I always thought I'd be a cool Mom..
Wasn't that one art my of the reason to start our family when we were barely in our twenties??
So that we'd have energy to keep up with them, and have similar interests, and share clothes, and like the same movies, be able to have fun with their friends..
But something happens...
When your firstborn stands taller than you, and turns into a teenager (I am not talking 13, I am talking when they become mouthy, and Mom knows nothing anymore,)
You as a parent will suddenly become completely and 100% grown up. No matter how young of a parent you are, you become hopelessly mature,
 you take things seriously,
elections are serious, (you can't deny any longer that you are voting for people that will affect the world your children will be adults in.)
The carefree young parent is history.. You can see the young adults your offspring are becoming, you realize that your time of influencing is drawing to a close.
You no longer worry about if your baby will sleep through the night, you now lay awake praying for your children.
 You may as well embrace the more mature and uncool you.
Because here's what's right around the corner for you. Trust me, It happened to me.
Your teenager will ask you to take her and her friends to a movie, and then will request that you not sit with them, And then suggest that maybe you could sit in the very back and pretend not to know her, or maybe you could even go get groceries and come back and pick them up!!
Yes, it happened.
 So today I am embracing the new mature me!
I am not 'cool mom'.
and that's ok.
I have plenty of other responsibilities without the responsibility of 'cool mom'.
responsibilities like:
homework checker,
lunch packer,
laundry official,
diaper changer,
doll dresser,
outfit picker outer,
modesty police,
cleaning lady,
child trainer,
dog trainer,

Tuesday, November 4, 2014

Chocolate Granola

As if the Challenge of living on a budget isn't enough, us Moms we also have the Challenge of making healthy meal choices for our families.
And Unless your grocery budget is 2-3 times the size of mine you are probably discovering how hard it is to buy healthy foods AND stay within budget.
Cereal is expensive, but healthy cereal is even more expensive!!
It's upsetting when I look at the ingredient list of something I have spend our hard earned money on and find ingredients of things that I don't recognize and can't pronounce.

That's why Cereal is one of the items I have decided to eliminate from our grocery list.

 However what to have on hand for a quick breakfast??

Granola to the rescue!!!!

For my Birthday my sister gave me a small Jar of Chocolate Granola, It didn't look like much, but lets say I was pretty much HOOKED after the first bite!

Here you go!!
3 cup rolled oats
1 cup chopped walnuts
1 cup rice crispies
Mix together in a bowl.

Melt together:
1/2 cup coconut oil
1/2 cup honey
1/4 cup unsweetened cocoa
1TBS vanilla

toss with dry ingredients,

spread into 2 9x13 pans and bake at 250 for 1 hour (or until dry and crisp) stir every 15 min.
remove from oven, add:
1 cup mini semi sweet Choc chips (I use milk choc chips)
1 Cup chopped, dried cranberries
Makes approx. 1 quart